lost pet

i'am not the best person in the world, i do many mistakes by doing nothing in my life, and i regret it every moment, yet i still do nothing.

i read many articles how to embrace my life, such as get out from depression or get out from my own laziness.

from family to friends even strangers, they give me best advices they could give to me. from the soft one to the hard one. nothing changes in me.

the more people say something to me, the more i feel bad about my self and shutting my self off.

why is that ?

i feel so disconnected to my soul, to my self.

yeah i guess the right thing is i'm disconnected from the world i live in.

my brain and my heart they don't communicating i guess.

day by day i hate my self more and more, i hate my self for doing nothing yet i'm still not moving.

i could cry every night suffering from being my self.

why ?

i know i have to do something.

maybe the key is for being gratful for whatever i have in my life, even the bad things.

i have such a lovely family and friends which i know they would never leave me.

all their loves and support yet give me somekind of hidden suffer.

maybe i'm addicted to drama.

maybe i'm addicted to be negative person.

so here is what i should do...

take a breathing class..

sign up for the gym..

and that's all for now.

the year nearly end, and all i'm gonna do is making a little baby step by step.

i hate time going so fast, but i hope everything is never too late.

all i want is to meet my self, my genuine self. all i want to love my self.

and yes i still wanna be a writer, that's why though i'm writing my blog.

even though no one read my blog, but it something that i can share for now.

no judgement please.